Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
