do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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