I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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