No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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