incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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