singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
