Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
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somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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