not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
well you can't waste a boner
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
