her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
