i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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