So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
