I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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