how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
