she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
