When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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