why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This is classic penis vs brain.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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