I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?