just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.