How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
