she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
