I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
