You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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