You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
