She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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