You just made me feel so damn special
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The feeling are messing with the penis
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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