Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is my gift to your gina
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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