just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
