Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
