About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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