If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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