living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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