My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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