somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
