im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
