I looked at my own cervix.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
