he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
