I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
