I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
