so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
