standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
