I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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