No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
