I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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