Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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