I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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