So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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