At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
