Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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