I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
