I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
