If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
