Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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