Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
