Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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