The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
