And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Say something about gay babies.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
