His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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