we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
