I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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