Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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