I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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